My lasts posts have probably indicated how much I am struggling. The weight of all I have been asked to do and go through has been really difficult. Yesterday I decided I was going to try to stop feeling sorry for myself and do things that will help me feel the Spirit of Christmas.
So, we sat as a family, to my teenager's dismay, and sang Christmas Carols last night. Everyone picked their favorite, even my teen. Ironically, my grumpy teenager was the one who picked, "Away in a Manger." I have sung that song so many times I know it by heart. Then we got to the third verse and I found myself touched by the words and somehow they seemed more profound than ever.
"Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask thee to stay close by me forever, and love me, I pray...and fit us for heaven to live with thee there."
I sat and pondered the words for a minute. It doesn't sound that profound now as I am sitting here typing this. But at that moment in time I felt the steady, constant flow of love from my Savior more acutely as I sang the words petitioning for His love.
I have felt forgotten. I have felt alone at times through the various disappointments and struggles the last few weeks. I needed a reminder that I am not alone. I have not been forgotten. Somehow, some way everything is going to be okay, even when I can't see any possible way it could be. All the heartache and struggle I have endured is His way of "fit[ting]" me "for heaven to live with [Him] there."
