1. I love life. It isn't easy. It isn't what I expected. But it is pretty amazing.
2. I understand empathy. I am sure there are facets of empathy I still do not understand, but I do understand it more than when I was young.
3. The more I endure the more capable I become. This is the tough one. I hate to admit I learn things from my trials. A.) Because I am scared that Heavenly Father will see that I finally figured it and give me more. B.) Because during the suffering it is hard for me to see the purpose. I just want it to end...I don't want to learn it.
It is hard to learn things through challenges. I remember thinking I was grateful all I had learned after Declan died...but hating learning it that way.
4. Something I have recently learned...(well, okay I had an inkling of this years ago, but nevertheless, I did learn it more poignantly lately)...was to dig deep in my understanding of Christian.
I think I have been there for Christian in years past. I think there were times I was better than others. But I realized there was more I could do. He needs a cheerleader. I have this obnoxious need to point out all the ways he is not doing things right. I am not perfect in this, but I have tried really hard to be more positive. There have been so many days that he has been discouraged...and I don't blame him,it has been hard. Everyone needs to be told, "Everything is going to be okay." I found this the case with Christian. I don't know why I didn't think he needed that. I suppose there is this strange idea that men don't need reassurance and support. I probably should have figured this out before. Christian is really good at hiding the struggles he goes through. But the light went on when instead of my silly panicking, I just looked at Christian and told him I felt everything was going to be okay. I still falter some days and find myself panicky. That's okay. Still learning. But I am grateful for the chance to learn, grow, and better myself. As I do I see my relationship with Heavenly Father, my husband and my children change and strengthen.
The trials that take me to these understandings are hard. There are days I don't want to learn any more. I just want to pretend I have it all and I don't want to change. But life doesn't allow that for long. I am prodded along and usually forced to deal with the task set before me.
5. As each challenge has come I do have more understanding and strength. It is as if faith is a muscle and the memory of previous uses moves me forward. It helps me remember I have done many hard things...this one won't take me down...the others didn't.
6. It is not an easy plan Heavenly Father set before us. Jesus is there for us because the task was not meant to be easy. He is the mercy. He is empathy. He is the ultimate love we will never fathom here.
I hear about people talk a lot about power...the power we have to overcome, to be better, to be amazing. I don't know of any power, but the one that rescued me from my pain. The power that comes from Heaven is the only power I know of...I do not have any power on my own. The strength I do have is Heaven sent and it has made all the difference in my life.