I have worried about what people think of me so much so that I have lost myself in the process.
Recently I realize something...an epiphany if you will.
Everyone knows that it doesn't matter what people think, but we allow ourselves to care anyway. I was so caught up in that nonsense I put all my focus into that.
Then it hit me. Why do I care? People who I care about still think what they want about me. There are people that cut me deep with their snap judgements. I finally landed on my knees in so much pain I could only call out, "Help me."
It was then I realized that I am putting my faith and focus in the wrong places. I can love people. I can want good things for them. But honestly they will hurt and disappoint. I don't mean that in a rude way...it is just life.
I make mistakes. Everyone does.
But relying on the One that never makes a mistake...now that is something to have faith in.
I am exhausted trying to get people to understand me. It is impossible I am starting to see. Flawed people and perfect understanding do not mix.
I only need my Savior and Heavenly Father to know...because They do. They know my heart and all that hurts it.
People will think what they will. They will praise you one day and tear you down another. I'm not saying I haven't done it. But it is impossible to get people to be on your "side" or whatever we are trying to do.
I'm not saying overnight I stopped caring what people think...that takes time. But I do know I made a pretty huge leap. I will put my faith in my Savior to help me to love. But also to keep me from slipping away trying to please everyone around me.
I will not apologize for my presence here. I have been through a lot the last few years, but even if I hadn't I still would be okay to be who I am.
I want to improve myself and learn what I can become, but with the help of my Savior - not criticism from those around me.
Love is much different than I thought it was as a child. There is more long-suffering than I originally realized. It isn't always pretty or happy. Sometimes it is just not walking away...or giving up on someone.
I know I am not perfect. But I also know that I am okay too. I have a lot to learn and grow...and really that is okay.
I listened to two women, with more life experience than I, talk about relationships. They spoke that we are here to learn. It struck me. That is it. We are all learning. It is too bad we are all so mean about the learning we all experience.
I know I need to be less annoyed with people. I need to see through to the person...let all the silly outside appearance or even actions fall away. That is how the Lord sees us.
Here's to not caring what people think...only our loving Heavenly Father and our self-sacrificing Savior.
