Life's sharp side...

Life has its ups and downs.  Some days are magic while others feel as though nothing will be good again. Grief takes its many forms.  Some days it is barely a whisper and then it comes unexpectantly and about punches a whole into your heart that you worked so hard to repair.

I have been good...great in fact.  I always think of Declan and I enjoy my thoughts of him.

Then I am singing happy birthday to my neice that just turned five today.  

It hit hard.

I realized that I should be doing this very same thing three months from today.  He should be watching her knowing his time to turn five is so close.  And all I can think is, "Man this hurts."

I hope no one noticed.  I don't want her birthday to ever been effected by my sorrow.  It isn't her fault Declan isn't here.  I knew these days would come and I love and hate them.  I feel him closer when I am hurting...but hurting is never the goal.

I have a very large list of thing I never thought I would do.  Crying about birthday cake has now been added.

But when it all comes down to it, I wouldn't trade my life and being Declan's mom so I didn't have to feel this pain.