I wrote once about love. Since my 10th wedding anniversary was yesterday I have thought a lot about the 'L' word.
When I wrote previously about love I mentioned that love is a choice. I was referring to a marriage relationship, but lately I have been broadening my thoughts to other people.
I came to the conclusion that we chose to love everyone we do...even family. Sometimes family is ironically some of the hardest choices. We can't sweep them away as we do acquaintances that drive us crazy or have personalities that conflict with one another. We must make it work...or suffer for it.
The saying that some of the hardest people to love, need the most love is very true...but difficult to implement.
Sometimes it feels though we are bashing our heads against a wall. I think it is nearly impossible without help. It would be fantastic if it was the person we struggle with...but most of the time that isn't the avenue to take.
I feel prayer is the only way to make it work sometimes.
But wanting to love that person has to come first...which is where choice comes into play.
Not so easy.
I'm very hard headed.
It takes much too long for me to see the light sometimes...but when I do...I'm never sorry.
The balm that comes after I want to love is always there to soothe pain, frustration, and keep me from dwelling on all the negative things I could hang onto.
The hardest thing about love is that it isn't a one time choice...it's always there...forcing us to be better. If it were a single choice life would be infinitely easier. But it is a daily task that we must ask ourselves...sometimes it's really easy to answer...other times it has to come from a deep place inside...a desire to really, really want it.
Christian has always been a good example to me. Always reevaluating himself...hoping to be better. I'm much more apt to staying as I am...thinking I know best.
I have never met someone who can forget past deeds so well. I tend to hold onto things...but he just lets them go as though they are nothing at all.
When I allow myself to love Christian with everything I have...he is easy to love...there's not much to not love. But craziness of life make it distracting and difficult to hold onto that all the time.
