They have been very patient with me through my grief.I'm not sure what I would have done without them. I had to keep functioning to some degree...for them.
I wasn't the best mom, probably less than okay...but I kept pushing. I wanted to get to the point I could be there for them. I had fallen into a very dark place.
Several weeks I barely got out of bed. It was a blessing Bryce had school so he could have an outlet...even if it did cause him a lot of stress.
I snapped pictures today. It's been so long since I pulled out my camera. My phone has been the only one to record my kids...and they are terrible pictures. But I suppose it is something.
I'm very blessed! My kids are the few who understand my grief to the extent I do.
I have struggled to put Bryce to bed lately. He kept getting out of bed and then not sleep for hours even if he did stay in bed. I was losing my patience with him.
Then he blurted out how lonely he was in his room. (I had just moved Emmy back into her own room)
I decided to test something out. I brought our dog in his room. She hopped onto the foot of his bed and nuzzled into her paws. Bryce carefully pulled back his sheet and slid into bed...trying not disturb Skye (our dog).
I checked on him a few hours later and he was fast asleep.
So now our dog dutifully lays at the feet of Bryce...to keep him company and he sleeps soundly.
I'm sometimes mad at myself for making such a big deal about Declan sleeping in Bryce's room. He never felt lonely in his room until Declan died.
We were supposed to bring the baby home to his room...instead he got a blanket...as though it makes up for his brother's absence. I suppose it couldn't be avoided, but I hope one day to bring a baby home to sleep in the room with Bryce...I think he'd like that more than any of us know.