I have been working really hard in my house lately. I have had so many projects that I needed to fix, repair, or clean.
After a pregnancy and grief I'm seriously just getting to organize my house. Sadly.
When Declan died I couldn't stop moving. I had to go and do or I might lose my mind.
I remember right after he was born I went to bed at one in the morning and woke at 6 am...which is really unusual for me.
I functioned this way for a few months...then I crashed and burned.
I just recently started accomplishing more than just the bare minimum.
It feels good to have the house how it used to be...it's bringing back memories of how we functioned as a family...before our hearts were ripped out.
I have tackled most of the projects this week. Now I'm tired...but very pleased that I can push myself to do things again.
One of my projects was Emmy's room. She didn't want a toddler bed any longer so I fixed up a bed for her.
I finally decided to do it.
I didn't think too much about it. I even planned to keep her toddler bed up for a little while longer...but it didn't fit in her room. So as I took it apart I felt my eyes sting.
I had never had the opportunity to have a nursery with my oldest since we were poor college students. Emmy's crib was my first. I had lovingly picked it out for her, assembled it, and placed it in her room.
When I was pregnant with Declan I tried to make it a toddler bed, but Emmy didn't like it. So late one night I reassembled it as a crib so she could sleep. My big belly made the task hard, but I remember thinking how much I was excited to put Declan into his own crib.
Now I have stored my crib and it feels weird having no one in a crib.
I haven't tackled Bryce room yet. Emmy's bed was sitting on his floor until I finished it...so now his room looks really empty. I accidentally put Bryce's bed where it was supposed to be while Declan's crib was in it. So now it just looks like the huge hole in my heart...in his room.
After I had placed Emmy's toddler bed/crib in the hall I heard Emmy running to get Bryce. When he accompanied her back to her room she galloped toward her room exclaiming, "I have a big girl bed!"
I laughed softly out loud. That was worth all the pain of taking out her crib/toddler bed. She crawled up on the bed and told me how tired she was.
"Can I go to sleep?" She begged.
Now it's time to get Bryce's room done. I hope my heart can take it. That room is so special to me...the boys' room.
