Six o'clock came and went...it felt good to actually sleep in. As I awoke both my kids were in my bed watching a movie. Snuggling into them I realized how much I missed having the both home.
I didn't realize how lonely I have been with just one child at home. Emmy is amazing...she keeps me laughing. But I didn't even notice how much I missed having Bryce home during the day.Watching them play at the park on Monday made me realize how lucky I am. I've known it since they were snuggled in my arms as babies...but now that they are growing up time is slipping away.
Being a mom is a huge blessing, but is sometimes overshadowed by tasks. I tend to stress about silly things instead of looking at the big picture: they are only small for a brief period.
I ask Emmy every day to stay little. She has agreed to it, but if only that was not just a wish. Though she can have terrible tantrums, they are few and far between. She usually is just a spunky, fun-loving girl that I have the pleasure to hang out with each day...all day.
I look at Bryce and wonder where the baby went that I so distinctly remember having over six years ago. Then I go to school to pick him up and see that he is still so sweet and little.
Last night I happened to notice the running shirt Christian was wearing. It isn't unusual for him to wear one to bed, since he has a zillion of them, but this one caught my eye. Oct. 16th, 2010. Each time I see 2010 my mind automatically figures where in the process I was with Declan: pregnant, just lost him, funeral, or grief.
I remembered this race. We had all gotten up early and gone. Still swirling with the hole punched into my heart, it had been good to do something normal.
That hole will always be there missing Declan, but something I have noticed lately is that the two little sweethearts I get to see each day spill over into the void and have made it not hurt so much.
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| (We were waiting for Bryce parked in the car when I took this) |
I am eternally grateful for a Savior that suffered for all pain, not just sin, so that I could seek for help when I have no where else to turn for relief from heartache. So many times in my life I needed Him to comfort and uplift me and He has never failed me...even when I have Him.