L-O-V-E

As I drove to drop off Bryce today I was amazed how quickly yesterday's festivities fade.  The pizza delivery car that had previously sported pink lights and covered in red and pink hearts was back to its usual self.  Little shows of the excitement of the previous day except for a few candy wrappers, sprinkles, and the occasional valentine left on the sidewalk.

How quickly the normal days return.  We all get excited for holidays and when they are over...*sigh*.

Yesterday I started a new tradition, starting from my sister's friend.  I got a cute foam mailbox and had everyone slide their love notes to each other for a few days before V-day.  Last night I make chocolate cupcakes (whole wheat of course) and sat around the table as we cracked open the mailbox.

Every time Emmy received a valentine she gasped, "Oh!  Thank you mommy!  That was sooo sweet of you!"

As I watched my Valentines look at their hearts and notes I had written to them and they had written to each other my eyes fell to the two left...for Declan.

Bryce had decided a few days ago that he wanted to write Declan a valentine.  I hadn't even thought of that myself.  I let him write one.  Then as I was getting out the Valentines I saw in Christian's writing:  I love Declan.  Tears stung my eyes.

I told Bryce we could send Declan's valentines on a balloon...but I haven't done it yet.

It's strange how life seems so normal now.  I don't fall to pieces anymore.  I have long stretches where I don't think about the hole in my heart.  I don't look in my backseat and only see the empty seat...I have two that are full!

I didn't expect this.  I thought I would always feel what I lost override everything I already have.

I decided a few weeks ago that I would focus on the kids I have now.  I would never stop talking of Declan, but it wouldn't consume my life so much that I couldn't function the way I want.

At my baby cousin's funeral I made bracelets for all the kids that read his name and then everyone wanted a Declan one too...like the one that I wore.  I made each of my nephews one and my own kids.  I also made some for my sisters.  My kids didn't like wearing theirs.  I got home and found then all over the house.  I picked them up and kept them feeling a little sad they wouldn't wear them.  The other day I found Bryce's.  I showed it to him and he told me he wanted to wear it to school.

It is worn out now from him wearing it so much.  In an attempt to take off his sweater in the car the bracelet was pulled off and fell under the seat.  Yesterday Emmy exclaimed as she got into the car, "Bryce!  I found your Declan bracelet!"

Bryce smiled, "Oh thank you Emma, I was looking for that."

Today is my grandma's birthday...the first since my grandpa died.  I hope that it is a good day.  Two firsts in two days...a lot for one week.  I know now how hard each first is...something I know I wouldn't if Declan were in my arms at this moment.

May our lives be filled with love each day and celebrate it often.  Hopefully yesterday was a wonderful day...I enjoyed watching one of my favorite movies...

"Oh, it's nobody's fault but my own! I was looking up... it was the nearest thing to heaven! You were there.."  (An Affair to Remember)

My heart is with all of you missing your sweetheart or your valentine hasn't met you yet...remember you are loved!