Every seven years the cells in our bodies are completely different than the last seven years. Likewise, every so often I feel I have self awareness years where I throw out the old Christy and try to start fresh and new...well at least the parts of me I don't like.
Like a beautifully decorated home with valuable antiques so to are we. We collect the beautiful, rid ourselves of the undesirable.
I have taken a hard look in the mirror lately and realized two things:
First, I am a very prideful person. Second, I have deluded myself into thinking I wasn't.
I suppose people who barely know me would probably think, "What?!" But it is true...as sad as it is.
It's a hard pill to swallow when you realize something about yourself that isn't that great. So I took out a huge glass of water and *gulp*. It's rounding my stomach by now.
I had a friend talk about how she often wondered why people couldn't overcome bad habits that she had...and realized that wasn't the right way to look at other people. She inspired me. I need to love everyone and worry less about what they are doing, wearing, and driving.
In church on Sunday I had an epiphany...just because someone wears expensive clothes or lives in an amazing house, doesn't mean that they are doing it to flaunt it. Who is the wrong one? Someone who bitterly watches others have much and think they are showing off...or those who have much and aren't even thinking about it?
I suppose I should have understood this much sooner. I went to a high school many considered snobby. When people find out what high school I attended they looked at me either shocked that I attended or they look at me with slight disgust. What did I do? I was lumped in with the rich kids and people scoffed when I would express that I couldn't afford something. Little did they know I was very blessed, but as much as they thought.
As I've been married money hasn't be plentiful. We struggled through school and made some unwise choices that have made money issues...frustrating. I have often glanced at people with money thinking...ahhh! Why do they have so much and we have nothing?! I honestly wasn't asking to be wealthy...just meet our obligations and maybe a little extra for some fun once in a while.
Lately I have realized that one, it's not their fault they were blessed and two, they may not honestly think much about it.
In the lesson I attended the class came to the conclusion that the intent is what makes pride of money or things...not just having it.
Do I dress so that I can look nice and comfortable or to compete with other girls in the room? Sad to say I have been guilty of that...especially when I felt my looks haven't been up to snuff as I have gained weight.
As a teenager I was super thin. I had friends that would get frustrated with me that I was thin and would tell me I didn't understand. I felt horrible. Now that I'm on the other side of the fence I realized that I feel the same way sometimes. Watching my trim husband take down a huge plate of pasta that a family of 6 could eat...while I eat much smaller portions and can't budge an inch on my weight can be very annoying! But it's not his fault. He runs miles every day and won the genetic lottery when it comes to metabolism.
It was a rude awakening to realize that I was so superficial when I gained weight. I honestly didn't feel better than anyone before. I thought many of my friends that claimed they were "fat" were actually very beautiful...but then hypocritically I was angry when I couldn't lose my baby chub.
I suppose all this rambling as left me with one conclusion...that everyone is trying in their own way. Who are we to decide others intentions? That is why the Lord is our judge...he knows our hearts. We do not. People could do good things for the wrong reasons and the wrong thing with the right reasons...we just never know.
