As I hugged him his face was contorted trying not to cry. My heart felt the pain as I hugged him one last time.
Emmy called out to her brother..."Bye Bryce!"
He barely choked out the words, "Bye Emma!"
Honestly, it sounds a little dramatic for just the morning routine for dropping Bryce off for school...but after the holidays it was really hard.
Earlier Bryce had told me that he just wanted to stay with Emma and I. I really, really dislike making him go when he says that.
As I left my heart was full and I luckily had only slippers on Emmy so I carried her to the car. She wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned her head close to mine.
"You are the best mommy ever!" She told me as she usually does. (Not that it's true, but I do love hearing her say that...it makes my day every time!)
I leaned my head on her curls as I made my way back to my car. Tears stinging my eyes I said, "I never knew how much I would need you little one."
She hugged me tighter and said, "Thanks Mommy."
I took her to the car and buckled her inside. I called Christian as he was at work and told him to pray for buddy, he was having a hard time.
I have been so blessed! Both my kids look so much alike...but are so different. The one thing they are both good at though...is being in tune with others feelings...especially mine.
Emmy, as my in-laws put it, warms your heart. She knows just what to say. Her little 3-year old comments are surprisingly sincere and make a deep impression. Who knew that I would feel so loved by the way my 3-year old talked to me? I would like to think it was because of me that she learned that...but sadly it isn't. She honestly was made that way. I call her my sweet-sweet...that's only way to describe her.
Bryce is just a deep pool of understanding and love. He mostly just tells me he loves me, but his timing is amazing. He too loves to compliment...maybe that's why Emmy does it. He loves people so much. He get's frustrated, but overall he has been very patient with such an inexperienced mother...who has the patience of a gnat! All in all, I am very grateful for my Little Sir...he really has been a little man his whole life. He's just like his dad...holding the weight of the world on his small shoulders.
Both my kids leave me better than when they find me...most of the time. I don't know where I would be in this journey without them.
As our little bubble is being stretched, and sometimes I feel broken, my heart tugs on the edges. Only 2 years before my sweet Emmy goes to school. I'm not ready to be alone without my kids...but I have come to terms with the fact that maybe Heavenly Father wants me to do something else for a while. I do have plenty of time to have kids. As much as I wanted all my kids lumped together...it doesn't always workout that way. My sisters that are younger than me are almost 7 and 10 years younger. If there's a four or five year gap that isn't going to be the worst thing ever.
I had made plans that I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30. Why? No clue. But as my 30th birthday is only 5 months away...I think it is clear that desire isn't going to happen...once again reminding me that my time isn't the Lord's time...and honestly I'm starting to be okay with that...
