A new year has peeked around the corner and made itself known...2012 is here. I can still remember when I was little, my parents telling me, "You will graduate in 2000." As I child of the 80s I thought, "Crazy people that's forever away!"
That was 12 years ago!!
Collectively my life is blazing fast. There are those moments that I remember feeling I was at a standstill. This last year has pretty much felt that way to me. I felt I was jogging along, maybe not with the vigor and excitement I should have and someone opened their car door and suddenly I was slamming into the concrete, staring up at the sky thinking, "How did I get here?!"
Nothing is worse than feeling stagnant...at least to me. I want to live, love, breath fresh air, and feel accomplishment (even if no one knows or cares about it).
That is not how I would describe the last year collectively.
I have spent many nights thinking where I want to go and what I want to become. I haven't even reached my 30s and all the gusto of life was squished out of me. I refuse to go down without a fight!
As I thought about the last year and where I want to be next year it occurred to me, maybe when I was being knocked backward I had actually taken more steps forward than I realized.
Maybe, just maybe...I was getting somewhere.
The girl who sobbed in the hospital that awful day...isn't here any longer. She was calmed, loved, and soothed.
Lately when I feel life is pushing down on me so hard I can't breathe...it is hard to determine if I miss Declan so all things are difficult or if the difficulty of life makes me miss him more. I am leaning toward the latter. Though I know that Declan would not make my trials and struggles better, I miss him when my world crumbles around me.
A new year reminds me that new beginnings are always there waiting to present themselves. These last few months I have been laying the foundation of the goals I want to achieve. I usually write down a list of things I want each year and then by January 15th I have completely forgotten them.
This year is really different. It is hard to explain why, but it is. Maybe it is because it is a childhood dream of mine. Maybe it is because it means too much to me. Maybe it even is because Christian is cheering me on. Or honestly, maybe I have actually lost my mind and I'm crazy now! Either way, I think I am ready.
I made two goals...some may say two huge and crazy goals. But I feel like I can do them. I'll let you know when, not if, I complete them. :) I hope you all had a wonderful New Years! I hope 2012 is your best year yet! I certainly am hoping for it myself. :) I suppose it is all my choosing whether I love it or hate it.
Good luck with your goals as well!!
