I laced my fingers through his and his fingers bent around mine. I unlaced and his released. I continued to hold my palm against his. All the while, he was talking, not even pausing that I had been rearranging our hands.
I touched the tops of his middle and ring finger where he had them cut off in a lawn mower accident. How grateful I was there was still a hand there. His doctor had mentioned that he still could wear a wedding ring...but Christian only being a teenager didn't think much of this. Since he could have lost his whole hand, I am grateful it was only the tops of his fingertips...though I know that caused him excruciating pain.
I thought of another pair of hands as I held my sweet husbands hands. Baby hands. How new and precious they are. How I love them.
My thoughts then turned to another pair of precious hands...our Savior's. The hands that were pierced and hung on a cross. The hands grasped in the Atonement; aching in pain. Though I have never seen those wounds on those hands, how precious they are to me. Without those hands and the Owner of those hands, I would have nothing...be nothing...and have nothing to look forward to.
As I laid thinking about all I had bouncing around my head, the warmth of Christian's hand matched my own. I had loved those hands so long...even before they were united with mine in marriage. I remember the first time he slid his hand inside mine and how my heart fluttered uncontrollably. The first time he told my he loved me by writing on my hand in Russian. How he looked cradling each of our children with those wonderful hands.
Christian's cousin took pictures at Declan's funeral and I fell in love with this picture...
...and I don't know why. I think it is because I was holding the precious bears representing my kids after the funeral. Declan's was with him by then so I only had two. Emmy had placed his bear in and out of the casket so many times I'm sure all the bears were mixed up by the end. The picture just leaves me feeling cozy with the bears in my arms while holding the sweet condolence cards I was given by friends and family. So many have reached out...and continue to do so.
Lifting and comforting with our hands...whether it is picking up a pen, dialing a number, or pulling someone into a hug...it means so much to those who need love. Some of the smallest gestures have had the most impact...just a hug with tear filled eyes.
Thank you again for all the flowers, cards, and sweet treats we have received! It means more than you'll ever know! (I know I say that a lot, but I do mean it)