Where do I go?

Have you ever felt like the world is spinning and when it stops nothing makes sense?  It is as if you've been dropped into "Wonderland."

Today I feel like everything I thought, in one regard, has been tossed to the wind.  Where do I go now?


Do I make my feelings known?


How do I express myself in a non-aggressive manner, when I have so many thoughts bouncing around?


I'm confused.


Have you ever felt that you have tried so hard in something and then someone disregard everything?


I'm positive I am not alone in feeling that.  I think the lack of appreciation is a difficult obstacle to overcome.  I heard once in a business class that they have done studies and actually found that people will work for less money if they feel they are appreciated...that was more important.


I suppose appreciation isn't a guarantee...and that has to be okay...or it can eat a person inside.


I need to clear my head and pray that I can express myself appropriately.


I hope that I have been as appreciative as I should be to those around me.  I know that at times I am a grouchy wife that needs to humble herself and look my sweet hubby in the eye and tell him, "Thank you so much."


I have been so distracted lately with school and missing Declan I haven't expressed my appreciation as much as I probably should.


Let me just say, thank you to all my friends.  You all have made this last year bearable.  It helps when I feel that I am not alone...that I have support from those around me.


I am most appreciative of my sweet husband...who lets me cry, ask the same questions over and over, get upset, wonder, and then kneel beside me as I pray for guidance.  You are more than I deserve.  Your quiet patience keeps me in perspective.


Ever since Declan died I have tried to approach each day as though it were my last.  I sometimes lay in bed and watch Christian's amazing face sleep.  The soft sounds of his breathing are soothing to my aching heart.  If that was ever removed I am not sure what I would do, but I don't ever want to regret.  I want to spend each day knowing that I gave it my all...that he and my kids knew that I loved them...nothing doubting.


I dedicated a song to my sister on Sunday and now I'd like to dedicate one to Christian.  This is for you and I hope that I never have to find out what life would be like without you...