When I was a child I had one person I looked up to the most...my older sister. Many times I remembered wishing I looked like her and wanting to be closer in age to her. We were four years apart in school which meant we hardly really went to school together.I remember my only year going to school with my older sister was when I was a little kindergartener...and she was in 4th grade. Before school we were allowed to play on our designated playgrounds...the kindergarteners were given little freedom and only allowed on the black-top.
I remember sneaking over to the swings and swinging with my sister. It was the highlight of my day. I struggled going to school and wanted just to spend a few moments with her. Then one day I was reprimanded for going off the kindergarten section. I was forbidden to go back to the swings with my sister. I was sick. I remember looking over forlorn at the swings wishing I was given permission to go with my sister.
My sister has always been an example to me. When we were teenagers we were best friends. I mourned her when she went off to college and then eventually married. I remember crying in the bathroom at her Wedding Breakfast feeling I had just lost my best friend.
Little did I know that our friendship would grow even more. The difficult events of our lives would draw us closer.
My sister's heart was broken and because of that she was able to show me the path when my heart was broken in a completely different way.
The strength that she has mustered makes my respect for her grow.
Sometimes I think about when we were little girls and how we had no idea what was in store for us. Did we know that burdens we would have to carry?...the tears we would shed?...seeing the hand of our Savior?...the peace given to those who suffer?
I suppose I knew, and probably she did too, that we would have difficulties in our lives, but I dare say not the ones we were given.
Standing on this side of our struggles life is different, there is no going back to the old us, but the strength that has risen is a gift. I glance back sometimes knowing that I won't be that girl ever again. I see that in my sister. She will no longer be the same girl that I swung on the swings with in kindergarten...she is so much more.
I love you Kar, and I am sorry...not sorry of what you've become, which is truly amazing, but rather that you had to have a broken heart that I'm sure is difficult to mend. I know your heart has so much more love in it since it was shattered. As it has started to piece together you have become more empathetic and understanding. Thank you for allowing me to share my pain with you even though it can't be easy for you either. I know this day will always hold a special place in your heart...and it does for me too. I love you and think of you often.
I want to dedicate this song to my sister who taught me the only way I will be able to get up and move forward is through our Savior from her amazing example...
