Today was...rough. I sobbed so hard when I pulled away in the car from my kindergartner's school. I kept thinking how did 6 years go that fast?! It's rather insane!
I have an amazing hubby. Christian was a sweetheart. He helped me out today. He went with me. He distracted me by taking me to work...well sort of...I just went along for the ride while he checked out an account. It was much needed.
I have worried and fretted about this day for...6 years. I especially have since Declan died.
I really don't enjoy my kids away from me. Yes today was more quiet, yes I could talk to Christian without interruption, but it wasn't the same. I like the craziness of my kids. It's hard, but I love it.
I have only 18 years with him before he goes off into the world. Maybe I'm overly clingy, but I can have a break then.
I have one shot at my kids being little now. I want to soak it up, not regret anything.
Once in church when I was first married, a sweet elderly man stood and spoke. He shared his sweetheart had just left him and went to Heaven. I remember thinking how cute this snowy haired man was. Then he said something that has stuck with me...
"When I was raising kids I would get so frustrated. Looking back I wish I would have just enjoyed the ride."
I have tried to do that...failed miserably, but kept trying. I'm still nothing close to where I want to be...but Declan has given me a peek into how quickly life can change...and I don't want any regrets. I don't want to look back and think I should have spent more time with my kids. Why was I in such a hurry for them to get older?
I'm sure you all are much better at seizing the moment...but I haven't been and hopefully I can be.
I found this video the other day, I love it...I hope you do too. It helped me through my struggle of Declan's 10 months, Bryce's broken arm, and Bryce going to school today.
