The first day Bryce seemed sad...but I could tell he was trying to keep his chin up and not cause a scene. But when I picked him up he was a mess...emotionally and literally.
I had stupidly put in a yogurt that I froze into his lunch. Bryce is used to eating these frozen, but it thawed and I thought he would be fine, but somehow between the squishy yogurt and the broken arm...an explosion. I cringed as he relayed the event to me after school.
Then the begging began..."I don't want to go to school. I want to stay here with you. Can't I stay with you?"
After a little chatting he confessed he missed us too much. My heart felt stabbed. How do you shove your kid out the door when he just wants to be with his family?
Well knowing he needed to give it a try, I asked him to give it a week. He reluctantly agreed...but forgot about a hundred times.
This morning he drug his feet...eating, taking a bath, getting dressed...we almost were late. I was so flustered.
Then it came time to say goodbye. He held onto Christian so tight his teacher had to practically rip him off his dad. Christian looked like he had been slapped in the face. It hurt to have to walk away from our son crying in his classroom.
All day I worried. What if he was miserable? What if he won't eat? What if...
I got absolutely nothing done. I snuggled on the couch with Emmy and wanted to cry all day.
Then the dreaded time to find out...picking up Bryce. I was almost sick to my stomach. As I neared his classroom I worried he had struggled all day. I almost didn't want to know. When I poked my head inside he was sitting and waiting with his backpack.
His teacher told me he was fine and tried so hard. They had cut out pictures today and he had persevered with his poor broken arm. I was so proud of him. We went home and played a bingo game and then popped popcorn and watched a movie. Then I made him a heart-shaped pizza and off to bed.
It was really fun to spend time with him. The night before he had been nervous and not himself. Tonight...all smiles. He had told me about PE and the friends he talked to. It was so cute.
I have never prayed so much during the day as I have today. Every hour or two I would say a prayer that Bryce would feel comfortable. I didn't expect my prayer to be answered so quickly, but how grateful I am! It was agony thinking of how long this would continue.
Memories came to mind today...Christian and I have only had one gym membership since we have been married. When Bryce was about one we decided we would go to the gym and play raquetball. When we found out we had free daycare we were very excited. The first day, Bryce seemed a little nervous, but nothing too serious. The next time, he was crying when we got to the door. Then the third time, he was screaming when we got into the hall of the daycare.I was concerned his dislike of school might keep progressing...it doesn't seem so. It's like a breath of fresh air has surrounded me. I cannot express how much it has helped.
If I had my way Bryce would be home schooled. I hate to have him go...but I feel it is good for him to learn to make friends and some independence...but it is for his benefit, not to get rid of him for a few hours.
I often think about how difficult it is to do things for your kids and put away your own feelings. Things that are under the category, "Good for them" is becoming my least favorite saying. It starts when they do the PKU in the hospital, and in my case a bloodsugar test on Bryce. I still can remember the snap of the lancet slamming into my baby's heel and then the one second delay for it to register that it hurt. The scream unleashed and tears pricked my eyes. Though I knew he needed to be checked, it was not okay that he was hurt.I suppose that is how our Heavenly Father feels. He watches us struggle and have difficulties, not able to wrap His loving arms literally around us...and many turn from Him. How hard that must be for Him to see us suffer, though He knows it is for our good.
I know there's a reason I am asked to go through this struggle. I know my Father in Heaven cares that I suffer. I feel often the reassurance that He is aware of me and that it isn't in vain. How I wish I always had understood that.
The comfort and peace I receive is a result of a loving Father in Heaven and Savior. I know that they are concerned for me as they are for everyone. Just as a baby cuddles up and feels peace when reassure that though they hurt momentarily - now everything is okay. I also feel that feeling after many tears are shed...as though a cuddly blanket has been placed over me and the world is now fuzzy.