Gratitude...

Hot pink?...baby pink?...balloons?...streamers?...or not?  These were my thoughts at the store as I picked up decorations for my sweet Emmy's birthday.  I was "in the zone" trying to figure out how to decorate.  I finally grabbed a round tablecloth...pink.  I grabbed pink plates and hurled them into the cart.  The items started to pile up on Emmy.  Suddenly she exclaimed, "Oh Mommy so cute!"

I smiled and said, "Emmy these are for your birthday."

"Oh, Mommy thank-oo.  That is so sweet of you Mommy!"  (Yes she actually said that)

I paused and laughed.  It took me by surprise that she was so grateful.  My heart never had been more proud of her.  It made getting her party items that much more sweet for me.

Last night I was reflecting on this occurrence with Emmy...the thought popped into my mind..."Am I as grateful for the things that I have been given?"

I know I have begrudgingly thanked my Heavenly Father for certain things because they weren't just how I wanted them.  I want to be grateful for everything that I have...not sitting there thinking about what I'd rather have, or "should" have.  In a crazy world of entitlement, it is easy to get caught up in it.  I don't need anything but the essentials.  I am grateful for all the extras...cute pictures on my walls of my kids, a quiet and safe place to sleep, a computer to compose my thoughts, etc..I think you get the point.

Amazingly those who are closer to Heaven are the ones teaching those of us that are a little further from it.  I am constantly reevaluating my life because of my kids.  Having Declan in my life has brought me closer to Heaven.  My sweet sister gave me a precious birthday gift reminding me of this very thought...a frame with the quote:  "Because someone we love is in Heaven, we have some Heaven in our Home."

I am so grateful for Declan.  He has given me a very different outlook on life...a tiny pinhole glimpse into Heaven.  I know this will change my life forever.  I know where I want to end up, now...not waiting to the end of my life to think about it.  I have spent many hours since his death thinking about who I want to be and how I am going to accomplish it.  Before it was lingering in my thoughts somewhere, but I never had "time" to think about it much.  Now it's always on my mind.

Though I would never have picked this trial for myself right at this moment...I am grateful anyway.  I didn't get the miracle I wanted.  However I still received a miracle...it was meant for me.  I am better...a mom, a wife, and an all around person...that was my miracle.

I am grateful for my Heavenly Father's understanding of me and my family.  I am grateful for my Savior who extended His perfection to help save us all.