Memories...

I glanced down at my little girl next to the box that represents her brother's short life.  It was down on top of my trunk that I keep my important keepsakes.  Emmy wanted to look inside so I took her into my bedroom and sat on the floor.  There we pulled out everything...pictures, cards, bags that had necklaces in them, a blanket, the lamb that is the replica of the one he's buried with, and so on...

My heart hurt so bad, but I couldn't tell Emmy no.  She wanted to look and I wanted her to have that chance.  I pulled out an envelope that I had been avoiding and finally opened it...inside a tiny plastic bag with Declan's lock of hair.  I had to bite down hard on my lips to not burst into tears.  The physical evidence that he truly was here and not some phantom hole in my heart.

I allowed some tears to slip down my cheeks as I lovingly packed everything inside.  Emmy was so sweet and gentle with everything.  When we placed the last item inside I shut the box and cradled it in my arms.  Emmy was off to find a new adventure as I sat on my floor thinking about her little brother.  I ached and cried for a minute.  Then I placed myself back together and went about laundry and such nonsense.

It isn't the same...I want to be toting around my 5 month old as I do chores around the house...not placing a box of my baby's things in my closet and hoping I can get through the day...