I kept trying to push myself but my body would not cooperate. I was unable to accomplish what I desired. I barely made it back to my house. I ate breakfast and tried not to cry. I was so mad and frustrated that my body wouldn't work properly. I was trying so hard, but I can't seem to lose weight and get where I want to in my running.
I began to do housework and about an hour later I was starting to feel really awful. My hands were shaking and I was having a hot flash. I hurried to my room and pulled out my blood sugar meter. I have tested a few times since I was pregnant and everything looks good usually...but I knew something was wrong. I tested and as I was cleaning up my finger I heard the beep to alert me that my meter was done testing. I looked at the number and I knew why I was feeling so rotten...50. For those who don't know blood sugar that is pretty low. When I get that low my body goes crazy and I have to hurry and eat something. My whole body shakes and I start getting cold sweats. When I was pregnant with Declan I hit just above 40 and I was on the floor bawling because I felt so terrible.
I have had blood sugar problems since I was little. When I was younger I passed out three times in public because of it...once it landed me in the hospital with a concussion. I haven't passed out since I was about 12 when we were practicing as youth to sing in Sacrament meeting. A paramedic in my church told me how to prevent myself from passing out and it has come in handy...so I haven't since...though it has come close. I feel disconnected...like I am going into a tunnel...then nothing. When I wake up I have no idea where I am. It feels like I should just be in bed and waking in the morning. But instead I am on the floor with people staring down at me. For a girl who hated to draw attention to myself, it happened a lot. So embarrassing.
When I was in high school I was in my wheel throwing class and started feel like I would pass out. My teacher had me sit on the floor...which in a class with clay meant a nice dusty floor...and I had to wait for the school nurse to come get me. I was humiliated that she had me get in a wheel chair and took me to the office. She assured me she was not about to let me walk and having me pass out and hurt myself...little did she know I had already done that in 4th grade.
I know everyone has challenges and I have been given this one. It has been more than inconvenient...but I don't want it to prevent me from doing what I want. Today I made sure I ate enough before I went running. I did speed work and did a mile time trial...my best time ever!...okay since I started running now...not even close to what I could do as a teenager...which I try not to get annoyed. But I could run under 6 minutes a mile as a teenager and now I'm barely under 10.
But I digress...
My sweet friend is pregnant right now and has been through so much. I feel whiny when I let my little frustrations get the best of me. She has put herself through so much to get her little boy here safely. I admire her and the positive attitude she has. What a great example she is to me. She is great mom and I know that it is because she thought there was a chance she would never be able...so now as she struggles through her pregnancy I know how grateful she is for that little baby boy.
I am grateful for good examples in my life to make me want to be better and not call defeat when life gets a little too rough with me.
