Christian and I had a long and fantastic date on Saturday. We got to talk and relax, which was a huge blessing after the long week I had. I was grateful as I sat, that we were able to talk about our relationship and the goals that we have for ourselves. We asked each other if each of us had felt understood...I thought long and hard. I truly did at that point in time.
After losing Declan, something changed in Christian and I. We were not as concerned about who was right and proving it. It was easier to let go of the silly trivial things that we had held onto. I could just picture them floating away like a balloon. It was gone along with all those hurt feelings that we had. No longer trying to prove anything to one another it has made us free. I have been able to say I'm sorry quicker. I can accept Christian's apologies more humbly and gratefully.
Forgiveness is essential. We are told that we cannot be forgiven for the things we do unless we forgive others (Matthew 6:14-15). I believe it is absolutely necessary in marriage. Nothing else matters if forgiveness cannot occur. Who can have loving feelings for someone when they are bitter? I dare say no one.
I have been guilty on many occasions. Thinking that I could overcome my bitterness and frustrations I ventured alone without the healing power of my Savior. Needless to say, it didn't work. The feelings that I thought long gone would arise once again when anger bubbled inside me. I found myself mentally ticking off all the past things that irritated me. How foolish I was.
I have learned in a very strong way what really matters. Declan, who never took a breath in this life, has taught me and influenced me more than I feel I ever have. I realized suddenly on September 28th, 2010 that life has so much more meaning that grudges, silly concerns, and most of all pride.
How beautiful life looks from this side of the view - without bitterness. There is nothing that can describe the peace that settles in my heart when I feel that healing processes of forgiveness.
As I sat with my loving husband last night I was at peace...which after everything that has happened to us lately is a miracle.
