The run was difficult. It pushed me to my max. As the end approached my left side burned. I was determined to finish running, but my body screamed at me each step. I wanted to quit and just walk...but I didn't. I have lately been more determined to finish tasks than I ever have before. I would have just threw my hands up and said, "Enough!" even just last year.
But I didn't...
I am very blessed. I have been so very blessed all along the way. Not really recognizing the beauty of life all around me, I truly "was blind and now I see." (Amazing Grace)
Today as I finished up my run and came home I was struck with the beauty around me. I was up before my kids and I was able to greet each of them as they came down the stairs. I made breakfast without feeling groggy. I even went and pizza dough for tonight after breakfast was completed.
The life that Heavenly Father handed me is a sweet and rich one. I don't mean monetary wealth, but rather with those that I am lucky to share my home. Each of my beautiful children have taught me more than I ever thought a child could teach. My husband is patient and loving. He keeps the peace when my immature anger lashes out against him. My family forgives all my faults and inspires me to better myself.
I am blessed.
I have food to eat, a roof over my head, and a bathroom to keep me clean. I have always had these things. Growing up I don't think I realized how basic essentials are such a blessing. My life, though not easy, was of relative ease to at least me.
I am trying to teach my children the value of gratitude. It isn't easy considering that is something that comes from within. If I could make Bryce be grateful for the food I place before him - instead of moaning like he's having a bowel issue - I would! Our Heavenly Father, who gives us literally everything we have, even life itself, cannot make us be grateful. How many times do I by pass a chance to utter a humble prayer of gratitude? How many times have I almost got into a car accident, but didn't? How many times was I protected and not even known about it? Each day we have is a miracle. A moment's notice is all we have sometimes before we pass into the next life. I am grateful for each moment I get to spend with Christian and my children. I long for the day I get to hug and speak to Declan, but I am enjoying my life now. There's isn't a later. I can't try again with a different life.
I am even grateful for my grief. It brings me closer to Declan. I spoke to a few women that lost their babies a few years ago. They said they actually miss the first year after losing their baby because they felt them so close all the time. I am relishing the fact that I had Declan. Though I didn't get to enjoy him in the traditional way I am excited he came to us. I want to soak in all that I know of him and take that with me the rest of my life until we are reunited.
As I sit here this afternoon while Bryce is making all sorts of racket and Emmy is pulling apart my couch, I know that I am blessed.
