that is where my thoughts are right now. Can I have faith if I fear everything?
...No.
I have heard several times since I lost Declan, "Fear and Faith cannot reside in the same place."
This morning as I made breakfast for my kids before church I chatted with Christian about this. To fear means to have concerns or that we are afraid. Isaiah counseled us not to fear with these words, "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation. (Isaiah 12:2)"
Can I trust? Can I have faith that everything will be okay?
I believe I can.
I am not perfect and the doubt and fears will sneak up on me. But my hope is that I will push them away and not allow them to become a part of me. I will trust that at the end of my life I will know why Declan wasn't meant to be here. That I will be able to hug him and know that nothing has been withheld from me...only postponed.
I have such peace as I trust and have faith in my Savior. I know that he meant for us to put our faith in Him and He will carry our burden...and sometimes us when things are so difficult. But if we are heavy laden with anger or fear then we do not recognize all that He does for us. I still believe He mercifully carries us, but we aren't aware.
That reminds me of the famous poem that I'm sure you've all read a thousand times. But each time I read it I cry. I know that my Savior has carried me several times in the last few months when I felt taking a step was just too difficult. He was there - helping me, guiding me, telling me that if I endure well that I will be blessed.
Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
In the past I think I felt forsaken many times. That no one cared about me - especially my Savior. But I just wasn't paying attention to the many times he lifted my burden and wrapped his arms around me lovingly carrying me when I was unable.
I am grateful that I see those moments now. It is a gift. It helps me know I am never alone. In those quiet struggles when the world crashes down around me He is always there.