Since losing Declan I have rearranged my house, put up pictures all over my bare walls, and had all sorts of different projects going. After the holidays I think I fizzled out and now I'm tired. I ran so long and hard now I am feeling it. My muscles are sore, I'm exhausted, and I just want to nap all day.
Today I decided to be fun and did preschool with my kids. We colored, worked on our workbooks, painted, and now they are playing with play dough. Hopefully they are having fun. I haven't been the most entertaining mom lately.
I took down my Christmas tree on Monday and usually that would have made me sad, but this year it was almost a relief. Isn't that terrible of me? I love the Christmas season, but seriously it about did me in. My heart couldn't take one more moment thinking about Declan not spending the wonderful day with us.
Christian has been amazing through my struggles. I have been slacking on dishes and breakfast for the kids, but he does it without complaining that he has to work and help out more than he should. He is always showing me through his quiet patience how I can be better. I appreciate him so much! I was truly blessed and guided when I started to date Christian.
Running has truly been helpful through this difficult time. Before I was cleared to run after my c-section I was so antsy to be able to workout and rid myself of this anxiety. I find it very beneficial during the days I can't seem to calm my stress.
I went running with my dog, Skye today. When I got back I told Christian she is fired from being my running partner. She hasn't been running for a while and she tired out on me and I was practically dragging the poor dog so I had to stop and walk the last part of my run. It was a good workout though keeping her from sniffing everything in our path: rocks, grass, trees, and the dreaded other dogs little "presents."
I heard the healing power of caring for an animal can be for those struggling. I never put much thought into that. I have had a dog since Bryce was two and I never really cared much about her. Sad I know. I felt she was more Christian's dog than mine. But since she came back I have noticed how nice it has been to be with her. She jumps on my lap and snuggles close to me when I am feeling down. I have appreciated her the last week and have bonded to her more in the last several days than I ever did in the last 3 years. My kids have really enjoyed having her home also. Bryce prayed for her every day she was gone. Skye is yet another blessing we have been given.