Precious gift...

After the holidays I have been feeling drained.  I love Christmas and New Years, but this year was a little overwhelming with emotion.  Yesterday I stayed in my sweats all day and cuddled on the couch with Emmy.  I don't do that very often, but I was exhausted.

I put the kids down to sleep and Christian had a meeting so I watched some TV last night.  I started watching a program that I knew I should have turned off, but I watched it until it made me want to vomit.  The subject matter:  abortion.  My heart hurt so bad after watching it.  I didn't even finish the show because I was honestly sick to my stomach.

Here I would do anything to have my baby here and someone purposely rid her body of a precious life.  The saddest fact of it was over money.  She didn't think she could afford to have another child.  I understand it is scary when finances are tight, but is that a reason someone shouldn't live?

20 weeks

She admitted that she was sad, but didn't regret it.  My heart doesn't understand.  It aches for all the babies that are stopped in their progression because they are deemed, "only a ball of cells."  If that is true why is there so much pain when people have miscarriages?  Why do people long for the sweet baby that was only the size of a tiny seed?  Because it is precious to them.  It baffles me that it isn't to everyone.

I read a talk once from a member of our 12 apostles and in it he related that a doctor that had been Pro-choice and actually done more than 100,000 abortions.  He ended up having a change of heart and could no longer perform them.  He stated that he believed that he actually assisted in 100,000 murders.

Life is such a precious gift.  Heavenly Father wants us to all we can to preserve that.  Sometimes it doesn't work out, Declan is one of them.  But I am grateful for the chance to carry such a beautiful child within me.  Each child is a little miracle, even when they don't live in this life.  We hear all these amazing stories about babies living despite all the odds.  My sister Kaeley is one of them.  But we don't stop to see the miracles when the baby doesn't survive.  I have seen first hand the love my Savior and Heavenly Father.  It is during the heartbreak that we come to know God and his loving nature.