I have since pondered those who have come to my rescue the last few months. Those who have merely listened to me discuss some very difficult subjects, but did not shy away. Those who have prayed for me and knew I was having a hard time. Those who send me texts to make sure that I am alright. I have been blessed.
I have a lot of friends and family suffering from loss lately - loss of a loved one, loss of a marriage, or loss of one's self. Pain is inevitable for us all. We suffer different loss and in different ways - but it is all loss. Though some of my friends haven't lost a baby, they can empathize because they have lost their fathers. Loss is painful even if you believe that you will see that beloved person again.
My friend wants to start a group to uplift and help those among our friends - to come together and share spiritual messages and feelings. I thought of this article and found it applied. It does help when others take the time and consideration on your behalf. I have had several sweet women come up to me and let me know they are thinking of me. It means so much to me - probably more than they will ever know.I have felt very alone most of my life - probably due to my own insecurities. I would "suffer in silence." Though nothing I have ever gone through has been as difficult as losing Declan, I did have some hard times in the past. I always felt that no one would care and that I would just bother people if I confessed I was struggling. After I lost Declan I read many books. They were all helpful, but they always talked about the lack of support by others. I have not found this in my grief. I'm not sure why that is. Is it because I finally am sharing with others my feelings? Or am I in such a loving environment that I have never been in before? Probably both.
This is the first time I really have let people inside my crazy head and my broken heart. I almost had to put my feelings down or I thought I would burst. I write in my journal, but I type so much better than I write with a pen and paper. So this is much more therapeutic for me. It shocked me when I found that people were actually reading my ramblings of my sad heart. It means a lot that I am not writing this to the unfeeling void of cyberspace, but to sweet friends that care about my family.
I was talking to my grandma the other day about the peace that comes when we are suffering. She told me that in the mornings she finds herself getting anxious, but swiftly that peace comes and settles her heart. I agreed. Though I have never felt so much pain, I have never had more peace...until now
We are not alone. Even if for some reason people don't know we are suffering and don't seem to understand us. I think I took that for granted as a teen and young adult. Though I didn't have a support of people rallying around me, I did have my Savior walking beside me teaching me - I just wasn't listening. "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you...(Matthew 7:7)" I definitely did not ask enough and did not seek Him when I would have benefited from His help greatly.
As I have grown closer to my Savior I feel I have grown closer to those around me - especially Christian. Charity is a gift and truly is the "pure love of Christ." I see that more and more as those around me uplift and try to soothe my aching heart. It is how it is meant to be. We are asked to bear others burdens, "to mourn with those who mourn and to comfort those who stand in need of comforting (Mosiah 18:9)."