In the hospital I was given a box that I filled with my Declan treasures. I brought it to church with me because we are going to help put those boxes together with the women that created these wonderful boxes so I brought it to show. I had gently placed the beloved box into my bag and carefully stowed it beside me on the pew. My sweet Emmy unknowingly tossed her sippy into the bag and it spilled water all over the box. It was then I realized how precious that box really is to me. I almost burst into tears right there. I frantically tried to sop up the liquid with a spare diaper I had in my bag. I smudged one of the words on the lid of the box and I frustratedly snapped at Christian for not helping me. Unfairly I had demanded help when there was nothing he could really do.
I thought I had taken care of the spill but a little later I discovered the box had been sitting in a puddle. My eyes started to well up with tears and I pleaded with Christian for rescue. He went and retrieved paper towels and I finished cleaning up the water. I gently placed the box back into my bag. I uttered an apology to Christian and I spent the rest of the meeting wrestling with guilt for losing it over a box. I know what it represents, but it isn't as if Declan is inside the box - though sometimes I feel like it is my connection to his little life.
After I calmed down Emmy wrapped her arms around me and started to play with my hair. She sweetly told me comforting words and it actually did make me feel better. The men in our church all got up and sang. It was quite a sight to have them all in front of us. Both my kids were captivated listening to the song. The power of voices was amazing and I seriously almost started to cry. I know I sound sappy, but I enjoyed hearing the male voices ring out to their wives and children in the audience.
I know there is a lot of criticism of men these days. They never seem to measure up - though I'm not sure everything we are measuring them against is worthwhile. I value more than ever Christian's male qualities - let me clarify the attributes that men typically seem to posses. Men and women handle things differently. We look at the world from such interesting perspectives. Neither wrong or right, rather they are both valuable to us all. I have been recently reminded of this very fact. Whenever Christian and I would look differently about something I think I felt it was a contest. Who is right? When in reality it isn't about right or wrong. It is about coming together and decided as a couple what you are going to do. It took me 8 years to figure that out. Another way to think of it is rather than proving you are right it is better to be loving. I had a teacher tell me that once and it just absorbed into my stubborn mind.There is not a them versus us (men vs women). I may be wrong, but sometimes I feel like we are competitive with the opposite sex. I'm not sure why that is. Why do we want to prove so badly we have value that we are willing to crush those around us in the process? The interesting thing is that one attribute does not depreciate another. I am working at not feeling threatened when I do not have an ability that Christian or someone else may possess.
It is just something I was thinking as the men sang today at church. I am grateful for the men in my life, but especially my adorable husband that teaches me each day through his quiet ways how I can better myself and draw closer to our Heavenly Father.