"...just a mom," is a phrase that I hear quite often. I used to get annoyed when people would talk about what I did with almost disgust that I did not work as well as being a mom. Now I find it sad. Sad that the most incredible job I have ever been given isn't valued as much as it should. I know there is a place for working moms. Divorce, death, and other circumstances make it impossible for some moms to be home with their kids. I have chosen to stay home because quite honestly I love it. The thought of going to work sounds very dreary. I look at Christian's day and I think I would cry each day if that is what I had to spend my time doing. When I used to work at a retail store, I got little pleasure out of it. I loved college, but only to learn. I had no aspirations for a career. That is not important to me.
Don't get me wrong, I do have interests. I write, dabble in photography, and if given the chance love to sculpt. But when it comes to a 9 to 5 I rather not. I know that makes me some weird anti-feminist, but I really don't care. I love being home. I love thinking of weird projects my kids and I can do. I like rearranging the furniture every other day. I like having photo projects. I like being able to go to the library with my kids, go to the park, and watch a movie when I feel like it. I don't have to schedule in time with them, I'm always here.
The last few months have given me an even bigger perspective of how much I love being a mom. I would do anything to change Declan's diapers, stay up late nursing him, and any other menial task I could think of. But alas, I have two kids that sleep through the night, feed themselves, and Emmy is on the brink of potty training.
Children are a gift from our Heavenly Father and such a gift is to be protected and nurtured to the best of our abilities. That doesn't mean we're perfect, but trying. There are some days I lay in bed and think where I could have been better that day. I try the next day to improve, but sometimes even then I don't always accomplish it. But the key is I am trying and at the end of the day hopefully the fact that I was there means something to them.
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| Christmas '09 |
I am not "just a mom," I am the guidance counselor, caregiver, hugger, vitamin distributor, tickle monster, book reader, hide and seeker, dance instructor, preschool teacher, fashion coordinator, hair dresser, and so many more things I could list that I would bore you all. But the important thing is that Heavenly Father trusted me with these sweet angels and I hope I am doing a good job. Though when Bryce tells me he is leaving and never coming back I tend to wonder. Lately he has decided that he wants to be lost. I am sure it has something to do with our recent trauma, but it still hurts when he says that. I have to remind myself that I am glad that he feels comfortable telling me things, even when I don't want to hear it.
