Today I watched a show that was about a 16 year old girl having a baby. I was completely fine until the segment that showed the actual birth. My heart sunk not just because of the beautiful cries from a brand new life that just entered the world, but because the couple that witnessed this miracle did not appreciate how amazing it truly was.I know I fell into this category, but I think with modern technology we have a false sense of security. We see on the news and reality TV, doctors saving babies at 25 weeks and multiples of 6 or more. So why wouldn't a full term baby make it? Once a woman hits the twenty week mark and her ultrasound, showing everything good in her pregnancy, I think all of us have had that sigh of relief. Everything will be fine. Then when 30 weeks hit and it is a given - a baby will be here within 10 weeks!
I had two children and really loved them so much, but I don't think I realized what a blessing it was that they came healthy and safe. So when I got pregnant with Declan it never occurred to me that I might not be bringing a baby home from the hospital.
It makes me so sad to see teenagers having babies. I know when I was a teenager I was so selfish and did not have the prospective I do now. It is stressful and hard to raise children under the best circumstances, I can't imagine it without a supportive husband at my side or with the life experiences that help me be a more selfless mother. I also think back to when I had Bryce and how young I was. I was so focused on what happened to me and how difficult it was for me. I was so concerned with myself that I really missed the beautiful miracle of having that sweet little boy. If only that teenage couple really understood they never would attempt to create life before they were ready.
I am humbled that Heavenly Father allows us to take part in something so miraculous as creating life. That kind of power is not to be used lightly and to be respected. I have really come to understand the weight of responsibility that we have Divinely been given. To be a mother is an incredible gift - and that is exactly what it is a gift.
Christian and I waited till we were married to have an intimate relationship and I have often been grateful for that. The commitment and sweet feeling that has brought to our relationship is indescribable. That each of us saved ourselves for each other is what I would define as the ultimate romantic act. To leave a part of yourself to share only with one special person is true love.
I pray I can teach my children to respect themselves and the others they care about. It brings such peace and a love that I never thought I could ever feel. I met Christian in high school and I cared a great deal for him. I thought I was in love and that I would never feel anything more than I did then. I was idiotic to think that. Though on some small level I did probably love Christian, it was nothing to when we got married. But now I realized that when we got married we still had so much growing to do together and now after all we have experienced together - children, money issues, and now loss - our relationship has moved to another level. I am sure in fifty years I will look back and realize how much more I love Christian than I do now.
I think back to that teenage Christy and I think how much I had to learn, but I thought I had all the answers. If only I had known what I do now, how differently I would have lived my life. But I know it is much easier to look back then forward. The key for me is to look forward with more faith and determination to live life much more fully. We never know how long our visit to mortality will be and I don't want to regret anything worthwhile.