Oddly I am really struggling with Declan's 2nd birthday. I'm not sure why this year is so hard.
I have been doing really good...I've actually been a bit worried how well I have felt.
But then September hit and wham! I feel like the wind was knocked out of me.
I can't sleep. Many tears have fallen on this keyboard tonight.
It is so strange to feel right back where I started...almost.
All the feelings and memories have rushed back to me...as though they just happened. Two years isn't long at all...but in so many ways it feels as though a lifetime has past since Declan came and went.
I'm aching and I have mixed feelings about it. In many ways it feels more real...that it actually happened. On the other hand, it reminds me of everything that hurts to think about.
I suppose the ache reminds me how loved I felt during those difficult times in my life...especially from my Heavenly Father. So it isn't all bad.
