Oh lovely...

I went to the store yesterday and one of the ladies working exclaimed how much my kids look alike.

"Are they twins?"  She asked.

I thought that was strange since there are 3 years difference between the two of them.  I glanced at Emmy as I said they weren't...all my kids just look alike.  I'm sure she was puzzled why I would answer that way since all seemed a strange way to sum up two kids...but I didn't bother explaining.

I thought a lot about it as we left how much my kids did look alike...especially as babies.  But even now other than gender and curly hair they look so much alike.  Emmy's growing up so tall.  She isn't much shorter than her big brother.

I find myself not wanting to explain most of the time...not because I'm not proud to be Declan's mom or that it makes me sad to talk about...it just is a bit exhausting having to elaborate.  When I say three kids and I have two little kids they look at me trying to figure out why I left my newborn somewhere or why I have an older kid missing.  So then it's an explanation about who Declan is...which is fine, but I've found the conversation tends to wane after death enters it.

I don't blame them.  Honestly if I were in their shoes I would be blindsided too...not exactly knowing what in the world to say to a woman who just told me her baby died in his c-section.

So now I just don't saying much about the number of kids...unless asked directly.  I've gotten good at the sum up, but trying to keep it light makes me sound like it doesn't effect me.

I remember at Declan's viewing a woman who I didn't know, until later, came up to me as I sat in a chair by the door.  She placed her beautifully aged hand on my arm and said, "You must be the mother."

I nodded.

Sweetly she patted me and told me she had lost a baby herself.

I didn't know this woman, never had met her before in my life...but I was so grateful to her.  It was all she said.  Nothing else.  She didn't tell me he was in a better place.  She didn't tell me it gets better.  She didn't even tell me she was sorry.  Her eyes told me everything...she knew.  She had walked my path before and survived.

Something I have been so grateful for is those who just know...you don't have to tell them how hard or awkward it is to introduce your family...they just get it.  The pain you feel...they understand.  The way the grief hits you at strange moments...they have been there.  The way that hole will never be filled...has been their reality as well.

No words need to be expressed.  They know.