Lately, I have felt I have been on the sidelines a lot watching my sweet oldest running his "race" and completely collapsing just as he rounded the first bend.
My heart sinks and my hand rushes to my gasping mouth. How I want to grab him off the race track, dust him off and tell him he can just come home.
Parenting isn't quite how I thought it would be. I expected dealing with the outbursts, sickness, sibling squabbles, but not the heartache watching my kids go through struggles.
My mind has reflected how our Heavenly Father must feel for us and watching the difficulties that we go through. A tiny pinhole glimpse into the love and hope that He has for us to succeed. Watching, hoping that we pick ourselves up and keep moving forward.
I don't quite understand the reasoning behind all we are asked to go through...especially the challenges that children go through. Why do children go through cancer? I don't know. Why do children given to terrible parents while there are great parents waiting empty handed? I don't know.
My first born has struggles that I don't understand, but watching him overcome them even if they are baby steps makes me burst with joy in my heart. No wonder our Heavenly Father wants us to succeed and not just angrily throw our hands in the air and declare defeat. How sad I would be if Bryce would.
I don't like the sidelines. I feel helpless as I look on horrified and not being able to fix it for him. I can encourage and cheer as loudly as I can, but I can't do it for him. How much I want to take it from him or step in his place, I'm not meant to.
I know there is a reason for all of this and I can speculate that if he can triumph over this he will become much stronger than if I could take it away from him.
Christian didn't have a very easy stretch in his own life. I have often thought of how I wished he hadn't gone through it, but the person who resulted is amazing. I admire him for persevering and not giving up. I'd dare say he didn't just get through it, but let it make him so much better. I've known him since I was 13 years old and I have the pleasure of watching him become the man he is these past 16 years.
Christian, being an avid runner, has always loved the story of Billy Mills. If you have a chance to read his story or watch the actual footage of his amazing Olympic race, it is inspiring. He wasn't even considered a candidate to win and then during the race he was pushed and it could have cost him, but he pressed forward and ended up winning. I know it's silly, but I cry every time I've watched it.I know we aren't always going to "win" and it seems that we got the short end of the stick many times, but I know that we have a huge cheering squad - even if we can't see them. I'd like to think that Declan cheers for Bryce and the rest of us.
I decided just to post it for those interested (Christian and I love the shock in the announcer's voice that starts shouting)...