Who is Christy? It took me a long time to figure that out. (And apparently still figuring it out)
I am...
Gwendolyn Elizabeth's great granddaughter.
a red head just like my dad was.
a sister.
a friend.
a writer.
a relatively happy person.
a lover of books.
a sculptor.
a photographer hopeful.
a girl who loves to laugh.
a stronger person than I ever thought I could be.
a mother.
a wife.
a daughter of God.
I used to think that the sum of a life would have to be exciting and full of adventure. Little did I know that the little adventures of life would be enough for me. Struggling financially was never on the top of my list of "to dos" but somehow it has made me a better person and I am grateful. Pushing my body to the limit having children was not what I thought of as a little girl playing with my baby dolls...but it has given me an appreciation for those little sweet beings I get to cradle and watch grow. Saying goodbye to my baby son definitely was never something I never would have begged to go through, but once again...it has thrown me into a place that I am grateful for. I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I didn't always think that, but after 28 years I am really grateful to be me. The grass truly isn't greener anywhere else...we make our grass green or let it wither and die.
I find it ironic that I am faced with the toughest challenge that I have yet been asked to endure...but I am more certain than ever that my Heavenly Father loves me and that this life is a gift. As a teenager I struggled a lot and felt so inadequate and alone. I felt unlovable and lost. How that Christy could have used a healthy dose of understanding.
I sometimes think about that girl and wish I could sit down and talk to her. Tell her that the road isn't going to get easier...in fact it get's harder. But do not despair you are never alone and if you allow the Savior to help lift your burden you will never know such peace. Don't worry so much about the now, but rather where you are heading with your life. Be kind and allow people to see your loving heart. Christy, it's okay to allow yourself be vulnerable because no one can take away your sincerity and love for people.
But alas, I cannot tell my teen-self any of those words of wisdom. I can share that with my sweet children though...hopefully they don't tune me out and think I'm lame. :) I'm not holding my breath there. I just hope that I can teach my children that our Savior will never leave us abandoned no matter what. Even if something seems unimportant to others it is important to Him. Any suffering we go through, small or tremendous, it matters.
