As the race began yesterday I was excited. Here we go, another race under my experience belt. I can do this...I practically did it already. As mile two approached my body started to ache...wait what?! I had been doing two miles easy the last week. Then mile three came and my mind started to panic...I can't do this...why am I doing this?...please be over now!
Luckily I had signed up with a friend. If I hadn't I would have given up right at the beginning. I almost burst into tears because it hurt so bad. My head had defeated me and I was just trying to get through. Mile four was approaching and there was a space that I took a deep breath and relaxed. I chatted with my friend and pretended we were just on one of our runs...not a race praying for the finish.
Then it started hurting so bad I couldn't think of what to talk about...which is shocking considering I usually chat incessantly when I run with Jaime. All I could think of was...I want to this to be over...I have been running forever!!
As the last stretch of the race approached each step screamed out in pain...my blisters made my shoes feel like they were filled with rocks...my body felt like it was trying to run underwater...I wanted nothing more than to sit down and cry.
I looked down the road and all I could see were three stop signs. Was this a sign? ( Pardon the pun) I felt they were mocking me telling me just to quit. The road grew with each step and I swear the last half mile was longer than the whole race.
At one desperate point I cried out to Jaime, "How much longer?!"
We were joined by the 5k racer that had started after us. A beautiful girl sweetly cheered us on and I actually felt my burden lift slightly. I thought of my sweet family waiting for me at the finish line and that kept me pounding out each step. Then my mind went to Declan. I thought of how he would be proud of me. That I wasn't home curled in a ball crying...I was accomplishing...I was dreaming...I was fulfilling goals. My eyes welled with tears thinking of him.
When we finally turned and were mere yards from the finish line I exclaimed, "We did it, Jaime!" She grabbed my hand for a moment and then we finished our race. I have never, ever been so grateful for a run to be over. That was quite honestly awful. I wondered about 70 times why in the world I had signed up for running. No one told me to do it. No one begged me to do it. I decided...
But today as I think back to what I accomplished I am grateful. I'm so happy I was able to complete the race running, when my body wanted me to just give up. I am grateful for a good friend who helped me along my difficult road...which is in similitude of life carrying and lifting burdens - even if it is just running along side keeping pace and company as they struggle.
I surprisingly want to run tomorrow. My mind doesn't even want to think about another race, but I know in time I will want to do another one...I just hope I have people to pull me along the next time as I did this race.
