After my ultrasound at the doctor's office and the hospital I had the jelly all over my outfit. When I was coming home from the hospital I couldn't bear to put the purple shirt on again. It was tight fitting and covered in jelly that reminded me of the ultrasound that changed my life forever.
Since I had not packed a hospital bag I had nothing. My in-laws sweetly bought me a t-shirt and brought it to me. After I showered and put on the new shirt I felt like a new person. I placed my purple shirt in the plastic hospital bag they supply for belongings.
I avoided that shirt. It had been washed and hung in my closet since September. I try not to even make eye contact with the shirt...until last night. I had some strange desire to wear it. Once I put it on a flood of emotions came and I contemplated taking it off...why had I done this to myself? Part of me wants to throw it away so I never have to see it again. The other part of me wants to keep it as keepsake...that someday might not give me anxiety.
I am still wearing that shirt. I wore it to bed. Just as I was feeling really anxious about it, my friend called me and asked what kind of ice cream I wanted. She delivered me some very yummy Cold Stone. I really appreciate her, she has been so sweet to me. (Although I had to do an extensive workout to counter act the ice cream...haha) I can't even list all the amazing services she has done for me...but I am so grateful that her family was guided to move here. She has touched so many lives here and I know I am especially grateful!!
I hope the next time I wear this shirt I won't have such a hard time. Some day I know only sweet thoughts will be left, but until then I still wince seeing the shirt in my closet.
