One of the those "things" I never thought I would do was picking out a headstone for my baby. When you see the stick turn blue (or in my case it was digital and actually said "pregnant") your first reaction is wow this is going to be exciting. During all the hustle, throwing up, and whatever else happens you never dream that at the end of the road of pregnancy you would be having a grave side service and finding the right headstone that defines the beautiful creature that is to rest underneath.I had a strange moment when I received the text that Declan's headstone was placed. At first I was excited that finally my baby has his name marked, but then my heart felt like it had been stabbed. This was not all that exciting. It was sad. I was supposed to be picking out baby toys for Christmas not waiting for his headstone to find its way onto his burial plot.
We decided on a saying that my mom had heard of another baby who had died at birth: "Born in the arms of our Savior." My heart warmed when I saw the picture of the Savior holding a tiny infant. It was perfect! The image of Declan in the Savior's arms makes each day seem a little less upsetting. Knowing that Declan truly is in a better place and isn't lost forever helps me so much.
How grateful I am for my Savior - especially now! I could never have survived losing my baby without Him. This Christmas season has really made me reflect on that joyous day when the Beloved Son of God came down and was born. I think of that beautiful event and how much it impacted the world before and after. I think of how Mary must have felt raising a piece of literal Heaven. Each child brings with them such an amazing slice of Heaven with them when they are born, I can't imagine when Jesus Christ was born what that must have been like.