This may sound confusing but I'll explain.
I have been struggling with anxiety lately and I have been trying to figure out what to do about it. In an attempt to help, Christian decided to create situations where I could feel at peace. My misinterpretation of this gesture resulted in my feeling being hurt (thinking he was trying to tell me what to do and that I was wrong for not wanting to do it).
We talked for a long time and I explained my hurt feelings. I felt strongly that I needed to listen more carefully to what he was saying. Then a light bulb went off in my head. He was not trying to be critical merely knowing what had helped him and wanted to share this with me. It all made sense!
The difference between criticizing someone for not being up to snuff and wanting someone to be happy so you want to share what you know to be the path to happiness are completely different motivations. Basically one is motivated by selfishness and the other selflessness.
The motivation of trying to see someone else besides yourself happy is probably the hardest thing for me. Selfish at heart I tend to sit and think, "How can I be happy?" Instead I should be thinking, "How can I make my husband and children happy?" In turn I know that I will be blessed and ultimately happy! I have had it backwards this whole time. I thought I needed to be happy before I could help other people. Ridiculous!
I am sure this sounds elementary for all you selfless people out there! I knew that was the case too, but it just finally dawned on me that all those times I was feeling bullied or bothered by Christian's help were wrong. He is one of the most selfless people I know and when he says, "I just want you to be happy." He actually means it. He sacrifices things he wants and time to bring about MY happiness.
How blessed I truly am to have such a wonderful man in my life. I have known Christian since I was thirteen years old and I have watched him grow into the most amazing man. I always thought he was incredible, but looking at him today I cannot believe how much he has become a better companion.
He has such a wonderful spirit around him. When he is gone I feel like the sunshine in the home has vanished.
I have committed myself to follow Christian's example and of course the example of Jesus Christ, to serve my fellow men. I have been wrapped up in my own head and pain to see others around me.
