I have been thinking about the Atonement lately. It amazes me that someone would care so much about me, He would suffer so that I would not have to. I never feel deserving of this gift but am so grateful.
About two years ago I decided I NEEDED a change. I had been carrying around a lot anger and bitterness. Feeling the burden of unforgiving I decided to pray about it.
Since then I have felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I no longer felt that stab of pain every time I thought of this person that had injured me. I was free! Free to get on with my life, free to be the person I was intended to become, and free to LOVE this person again. I had not realized how this burden had affected my whole life until it departed.
Sometimes I forget that the Atonement is more than just for our sins...but all pain. No pain is too small to be taken. I have a hard time remembering. I find myself feeling that my suffering does not matter and there are others that matter more than I do. But everyone matters...EVERYONE!
I am not perfect and very far from it...but it has made me a better person. I was being selfish with my pain. I held onto it like a sick security blanket, unwilling to let the anger go...what if I was nothing without it? My anger had been so entwined with me that I was not sure I could unravel it without everything coming apart. It is frightening to change things...even when it is something that you hate about yourself.
I am so GRATEFUL for the ability to fall to my knees and plea for the strength to do things I am not capable to do on my own.