I was raised in a church my whole life. I went to church every Sunday. I was told I was a daughter of God since I was 3. Somehow it didn't really sink in though.
Honestly it wasn't until Declan died I really felt for the first time how much love God has for me. I felt it so strongly in that recovery room...it was nearly tangible.
It hurt like nothing I had ever experienced, however with the pain there was a hope and unrivaled love. God knew. He saw my pain. He was even sorry that I was suffering. He also knew I could continue to live with my broken heart...even if I didn't want to.
I have to admit no one is more surprised than me that I reacted that way. I didn't have strong faith. I didn't even know what I believed most of my life. But in that moment where I was facing burying my child...I had to know. And he didn't forsake me. He was there. He was ready to show me I mattered. My pain mattered to him.
Sadly I still need to keep learning this. Not three years later I was facing the worst depression and anxiety I have ever experienced thus far. I was in actual physical pain from it. I didn't know if I would survive it.
He found me. Those dark places in my mind that tortured me, didn't want to release me. I felt useless. But he walked through the tunnel toward the pinprick of light so far away I didn't think I would get there.
No matter what happens...he has never forsaken me. Even when I don't understand why I am suffering. It doesn't matter if I have gotten angry, hopeless, or something in between He is there. I have been prideful and unwilling to learn from most challenges at first. But somehow I always find my way...even if I throw a childish tantrum first. There is always a sweet warm embrace awaiting me when I correct my course. The patience it must take to be my Savior...but luckily he has an infinite amount.
If you are feeling lost or alone I promise you He knows. He is there. He will find you. There is nowhere you can hide or fall where He can't find you. It doesn't matter how small or worthless we feel...He doesn't see us that way. You are His. He loves you no matter what. I promise!