I was chatting with my friend about it and she talked to me about the year mark of losing her dad. I guess I knew it would be okay if I fell to pieces on his birthday, but having someone tell you that...just gets you off the hook.
After a really helpful conversation, she then took Emmy and had me go out and do something. I was hesitant at first...Emmy is my little uplifting girl...but she wanted to go so I took her over.
I looked for bags for my blankets and found some, but they were not on sale like I had hoped. I went back to get Emmy and my friend told me to go back out again. I told her I had done everything I wanted to do. I mentioned the bags.
It was then she gave me the money to get all the bags I needed. I was so stunned I don't think I told her how very much it meant to me.
I cried as I told Christian on the phone when I got home.
I have been surrounded by such understanding friends. Whenever I feel lonely someone pops up and helps me out. I'll never be able to express how much that helps me.
I have this horrible count down going on in my head...7 days. Each time I think of how many days left till his birthday, I can't help reliving those days that lead to his birth. What was I doing? Was I enjoying myself? I remember not feeling very well the few days before, but other than that I don't know.
A friend on Facebook wrote that September is baby month...so many babies being born. I swear it wasn't that way last year. This year...every three seconds I hear someone else had a baby. I am so glad for them, but it stings...especially around now.
As I write this Emmy has placed her baby in a diaper bag and told her that she will be safe. Now she just called her baby, "Princess."...which is funny because I never call her princess.
I am often reminded that the sweet angels that I get to have with me here, are just that...my little angels. They were sent here for me to care and love, but also they have helped me understand life. The patience and understanding that I have learned has mainly been through motherhood I learned them. Emmy and Bryce both tell me they love me all the time. They will randomly wrap their arms around me and hug me. Last night I was sitting in Bryce's room reading to him before bed as he sat on my lap. After it was over he turned and hugged me tight around the neck. I held him for so long. I don't think he'll know how much I needed that hug. I didn't want to let him go.As I hugged him I looked over at where Declan's bed would be and I almost burst into tears. Instead I closed my eyes and leaned my head on the little son that I can hold...the one who has had to put up with a rookie mom. He's been with me through all the bumps and hard times. How grateful I am for him.