My Tuesdays...

Do I just become inspired on Tuesdays?  Or do I just know that another week has gone by?  Either way, it is Tuesday again...meaning Declan had been gone another week...how many?  I don't know I stopped counting.  I try not to count.  Just like a watched pot takes forever to boil...a lifetime of ticking away the seconds thinking about Declan's absence cannot be anything but long and tedious.

The bear, hat, and outfit were give to us at the hosptial

Yesterday I felt inspired.  I chatted forever with my sister about what to do for Declan's first birthday...which is fast approaching...weird I know.  Anyway, as we talked I mentioned the gratitude I felt that the hospital had clothes for Declan.  We had a bag packed at home, but that is where it stayed.  In our grief and agony we never even thought to go get it.  So after Declan's first and last bath a nurse came in with a big plastic bin filled with baby clothes.  She allowed us to pick something.  Half delirious from surgery Christian was the one who actually did the picking.  I have been grateful for that service and have wanted to replenish what we took by bring clothes to the hospital on his birthday along with the blankets.

I decided to go into Bryce's room and into his closet where all my Declan stuff is stashed.  I had bought a take home outfit that he was buried in and then ended up buying a replica...which since they had been in a package with more than one outfit I have duplicates now.  So I pulled them out along with the newborn onesies that I had bought him.

I looked at the tagless onesie that revealed that it was Organic fabric.  I had forgotten that I had actually gone to the lengths of getting Organic fabric for my newborn...only he didn't wear it or need it.  My heart sunk.  I gently folded them all and went downstairs to think.  As I was staring at the onesies Christian asked me if I was okay.  I explained how much thought I had put into his onesies and they still were perfect...never been worn.  They should be stained and shoved in a box somewhere because he would be long grown out of them by now.

I've decided to donate most of his newborn onesies to the hospital - except of course the one in my shadow box and few others I love.  They are sitting here on my desk...waiting for a grieving parent to put it on their lovely baby only to say goodbye hours later.  Hopefully they will be a treasure to someone who was able to place it onto their baby, since to me it just sits and waits to be worn.

I am grateful for my family who is so willing to chip in and help with Memorials, balloon releases, and so much to remember our sweet Declan.  My blanket project has become a family wide project.  I have everyone thinking about it and willing to help or donate at any moment.  I really appreciate that!  Thank you my sweet family...and friends who have become like family.  You all are dear to me.  Remembering Declan is so important to me and I am so humbled and grateful it is to you as well.