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| Bryce at 15 months |
The night that Bryce came into the world was ear shattering as well as earth. My first memories of being a mother were filled with a howling baby who would not be comforted by a stranger. His cries of alarm were bouncing off the barren hospital walls.
My mind focused little on the screams, though the nurses and doctor were chuckling at the set of lungs I had just delivered...my mind focused on my sweet hubby...the newest dad that moment. He hovered over our infant son, trying to calm him as he wailed to be comforted.
When he was finally allowed to be wrapped up his cries were instantly stopped as his body was placed in the safety of his daddy.
My eyes have never beheld such a Heavenly sight. Etched in my brain forever...the day we became a true family.
All the finger pokes, weight gain, and back pain...suddenly evaporated...he was here. I was a mom!
My twenty-three year old brain was very unprepared what that really meant. I knew that selfishness was no longer an option...but how difficult that was to realize in life.
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| Emmy at 6 months |
As every mom, I know there are so many ways I need to improve...but I am so grateful for the opportunity. The trust our Heavenly Father has in us to oversee the care of a tiny, sweet life is incredible.
I have frankly, been very scared for this next day for quite some time. Mother's Day...a day to remember our children...especially if you have one that is out of reach. My heart would race just thinking of the day coming. Here it is...and I have to teach in church. When I realized that I was petrified. How am I supposed to stand in front of anyone while my heart is hurting so bad it feels like I might pass out? I know I have been blessed to have to teach...it distracted me. I have had to focus on my lesson...instead of my heart. Luckily this weekend was a good one.
My in-laws came down and have spent the time with us. My father-in-law is an amazing man...which is no wonder with the incredible son I was able to marry. He spoils his daughter-in-laws...which means so much to me. What a sweet man he is!
I had a double portion of worry...my birthday is the day after Mother's Day. I wondered how that was going to work out...but so far I'm not sure it will be as bad as I anticipated. I love my birthday...but this year my longing for Declan has made me unsure whether that day will be as wonderful as I wish.
This is my last year in my twenties. I have to say with everything that has happened in my twenties I have bittersweet feelings about saying goodbye. I sometimes think, "Yes, they are finally over!" My twenties, forgive me, punched a huge hole in my heart. So many difficult times and challenges that I would like to put some time between myself and them. On the other hand, so much growth has taken place. I am grateful for my 20s...without them I wouldn't be the person I am today...though I still have a long road ahead of me.
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| Declan |
Back to my original point...whatever that may be...6 years ago I was anticipating my first baby. I was so unsure if I was up for the challenge. Bryce being a surprise, I had not quite prepared myself for being a mom just then...but it has been a wonderful journey. All of my children have made me better. They teach me so much that I wonder if I am teaching them anything...
To my three sweet angels...thank you! I wouldn't be a mommy without you! I wouldn't be the woman I am without you! I wouldn't understand love the way I do...without you!
Happy Mother's Day to all of you! As my birthday began on Mother's Day...it is a good reminder what a precious gift and job it is to be a mother. Though nothing comes easy...it is well worth the struggles for that angelic face to look up at you and say, "I love you Mommy!"
