Better understanding than I...

My great grandparents

I just watched a show about wives of WWII soldiers.  I almost bawled as one woman talked about the pain of losing her husband.  They had a child together before he was killed.

Sometimes I look at the WWII generation and think about how much they endured...and how it impacted their lives.  They spoke of small weddings and having a hard time putting a cake together.  They talked about all the sacrifices they had to make.

I need reality checks sometimes.  It is a good reminder of what we need versus what we want.  I feel like that generation understood sacrifice.  We claim to understand now since the recession, but I can't say that the sacrifices I have made equate to theirs...especially losing their family members to the war.

As I was explaining to Bryce what WWII was, I told him about my Great Uncle who died.  My grandpa was only around 8 when the war began, but his brothers were all much older.  Two worked on ships in CA while the third oldest went off to war...he never came back.

My grandpa (very left) with his 3 brothers & 1 sister

My dad was named after this brother and because of this I have often thought about his sacrifice for that war.

Bryce and I had a wonderful talk about my great uncle Bob.  As we talked I thought about my grandpa joining his brother...in my mind I have etched the beautiful black and white picture of the two of them smiling as Bob held my grandpa. (I don't have a copy or I'd post it)

I feel like I have been spoiled most of my life.  I always had what I needed and even a lot of time what I wanted.  My sacrifices have been minimal in the grand scheme of things.  As my heart hurts for the people of Japan and those who have lost their homes in our own country due to tornado...I know I am blessed.  I have a roof over my head, clean clothes, and a pantry full of food.  I can't imagine the heartache of my entire house being ripped out from over me...literally.  My pictures, journals, books, Declan's belongings, and my wedding dress all just gone in an instant.  It would be devastating...even more devastating would be one of my loved ones gone in a flash.  I've already had that happen once, I would rather not have that repeated.  But I can't imagine some natural disaster coming and taking one or both of my children here with me.  Stuff is hard to lose, but people...

...irreplaceable.

I have learned this especially as people have told me that I can have more children...as if it erases the loss of Declan.  No one can take the place of the little bean that I treasured inside me, longed for, and was torn from me so quickly I couldn't even believe.

However hard it has been though, my heart hurts for those who lose their families members; whether one or all.  So many are touched with tragedy...it comes in so many forms and different times, but it comes to all.  No one can get through this life without getting their heart fractured...that's why we are here...to learn...grow...and become much more than we could on our own.

That being said, it still hurts.  As I heard lately from one of our leaders of our church, "To take the sorrow out of death would be taking love out of life."  I am grateful for my children.  I pray every night thanking Heavenly Father for Declan and my other children.  Though it hurts, I would want him regardless the pain it has cost me.  I wouldn't choose anyone else if meant they would be here.  Declan is etched in my heart and I am grateful.  I just wish sometimes my pain didn't cripple me from enjoying the two sweethearts I have laughing behind me on the couch.

To those who are in their suffering season now...I'm so sorry!  I know it's hard.  May we all be surrounded by the love our Heavenly Father.