"We have three kids, but Declan died, so there are only two in the car."
"You are right Buddy." I replied.
Then he proceeded to explain that he had planned on sharing his toys with Declan...but he died. I almost started to cry thinking of Bryce handing Declan one of his toys.
"But there are toys in Heaven." Bryce told me. "There aren't any stores because it is special, but there are toys."
I grinned and wanted to reach back and hug my sweet little boy. I love that Bryce has no problems talking about his little brother. I can see the painful expressions of even my friends when I bring up Declan's name. There sometimes is a silence where I know they are trying to figure out what to say to me. But my kids...it's just what it is...they have a little brother and they love him. They bring him up daily. Bryce has so many comments and questions. Emmy tenderly loves all things Declan. I had put my necklace I received in the hospital on the ottoman in the loft and Emmy picked it up. I told her to please put it back and she frustratedly muttered to me, "I looking at De-kan's feet, Mommy!"
I should have been irritated that she was being firm with me, but my heart melted. She was admiring the baby feet in my glass locket.
I have been very tender lately. I'm sure it has to do with Declan being gone 6 months. It's been rough, but I am trying each day to pull myself off the couch and accomplish something. I still run, which seriously I would lose my mind without, even though it hurts so bad to do!
I am so grateful for my kids. They have been my life raft through this loss. They understand so much better than I do some days. They have such a capacity to love. I try not to absolutely lose it in front of them, but I have and Bryce is always so sweet to me. He is so willing to help and make me feel better. Emmy is my sweet girl. She will wrap her little arms around me and assure me everything is okay, "I know sweetheart. I know," as she pats my head. Who is the mother and who is the daughter? :)
Heavenly Father knew I needed two amazing kids to get through this...and he definitely gave them to me.
